Struggle

This last week has been a little bit of struggle. Some of it is related to one of my previous posts, where I talked about failure.

While I am struggling to stay motivated to continue working out and eating healthy, I am also struggling to stay connected, to not feel so lonely. These were things that I strongly felt constantly when I was going through my bout of depression. So this time around, it’s scary. Here I am, having immensely improved since moving back home and then even more so once I started to work out on a semi-regular basis, yet I’m starting to feel those feelings again. And I understand that life isn’t always going to be happy and stitched together everyday, but I guess I didn’t think that I would feel this way so soon ..

Something that I learned in one of my therapy sessions was that whenever I started to feel those feelings – of loneliness, not being connected, just sad in general, etc. – I was told to try writing it down: writing down the feeling, what event was associated with it/ what caused the feeling, and what the intensity of the feeling was. Doing this exercise showed me that a lot of what I was feeling had strong ties to what I was thinking when those certain ‘events’ happened. I was able to learn to step back and really look my feelings and thoughts.

Yesterday and the day before, I stepped back. I found that I was actually feeling lonely, because most of my close friends are still living in another state. I also have never been the type to have lengthy conversations through text, so it has been hard for me to stay in touch with many of my out of state friends with texting as the primary type of communication and sometimes Facebook.  

It’s weird to think I have, what, a little over 250 friends on Facebook (which includes some family members)? In reality, I probably only keep in touch with 15 to 20 (including family) on a semi-regular basis. In the last month, I have seen no more than ten of those in person. When I add in texts or phone calls, that number jumps to no more than 15. However, this does not really surprise me since I have always had a smaller, closer group of friends, rather than a larger group of friends.

So, what to do??

For one, I’m going to try and make more of an effort to keep in touch with my out of state friends as much as possible. I just hope that the bonds that I have with many of them stay strong, because I would hate it if they started to loosen, because every friendship I have is precious to me. I don’t want too many personal experiences with friendships that are meant to come and then go, because that sucks. Unfortunately, as many people have told me, some people are just meant to come and go in life.

“The struggle is part of the story” 

Have any suggestions for keeping in touch with those far away? Let me know!!

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